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Are you ready to become a Stormtrooper?

So you're thinking about a career as a Stormtrooper. Congratulations! It is a life that's half military, half indentured servitude, and 100% excitement. Here is a guide to what's in store for you.

This app is a digital brochure for prospective Stormtroopers. OK, actually it's a demo created for a mobile web design class. I used a few images and a video from other sites, but I came up with the idea and wireframed it on the Red Line on the way to the class, and I made up the text as I went along creating the site.



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Am I qualified?

Possibly. Here are some key things to understand in advance.

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The mentality of a henchman

In battle, Stormtroopers are effectively human shields for Darth Vader. You will be expected to absorb laser blaster fire, haphazardly fire back, and that's about it. You need not concern yourself with individual achievement. One less thing, eh?

Another key influence in the lives of Stormtroopers is the seminal early '80s TV show "The Fall Guy." Click here to learn more.

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The importance of anonymity

You will note that you never hear things like "Stormtrooper Murphy took a laser blast to the neck" or "It was Stormtrooper Kowalski's fault." That's not how the Empire rolls.

You will generally be addressed as "Hey you" or referred to as "one of those Stormtroopers over there." In the extremely rare instances when your individual identity is actually relevant, we will use a unique operating number such as TK-421. The paperwork is just easier this way.

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Height and weight requirements

Units of measurement across the galaxy are so varied that it's impractical to include conversion tables in this digital brochure, but rest assured that your body will be modified by the Empire to meet the requirements.

If you are too tall or too heavy, a portion of your body mass will be removed. Conversely, body mass from other Stormtrooper recruits (or droid parts, where applicable) will be "added" to those who are too short or too light. Recruits will be personally billed in advance for the cost of these procedures.

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Are there any hygiene guidelines?

No. The Empire is genuinely surprised by how often this question is raised by prospective Stormtroopers.

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What do I wear?

Glad you asked. Stormtroopers have some pretty sweet uniforms.

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The Stormtrooper's helmet

See? Told you they were bad-ass.

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The Stormtrooper's armor

Constructed with the finest white plastic.

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Do you offer training?

Sort of. Here are a few things that new recruits are issued.

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Star Wars Lego guys

Brittle and limited in their mobility. Just like you.

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Star Wars video games

A now-deceased member of last year's recruiting class broke our last Atari 2600 cartridge, but if you happen to have a Commodore 64 console, we might still be in business. Please let your recruiter know about this up front.

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VHS tapes of "The Fall Guy"

The best Stormtroopers model their lives after the adventures and exploits of "The Fall Guy." This is a vital aspect of the training process for new recruits. Here is a sample.

Play Movie

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How's the pay?

While actual money is not a part of the package, Stormtroopers do enjoy an array of benefits.

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Life insurance

It won't be worth much, but the Empire will take out a life insurance policy in your name/operating number. Do not concern yourself with the details, though, as the Emperor will be listed as the sole beneficiary.

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Medical and dental insurance

Seriously? Did you not catch the fact that the Empire is issuing you full plastic body armor and a bad-ass helmet? Next question.

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401(k)-esque retirement program

If you survive until the Empire's retirement age of 72 years*, you will become the rightful owner of your full set of white plastic armor, minus the helmet. You will also become the rightful owner of any body mass that was extracted from or inserted into your body during the recruitment process.

*This remains a pilot program, as no Stormtrooper has lived beyond 38 years.

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Is there opportunity for advancement?

Absolutely not. Stormtroopers do not concern themselves with concepts like "rank" or "superiority." Here is a chart illustrating your place in the Empire's hierarchy.